You know what? My New Years resolution was just to stop eating meat for like a year [I've done it for 6 months before] top eating candy, and brush my teeth FOUR TIMES A FREAKING DAY. But after talking to my mom last night on the phone... us not yelling.. us just having a normal voice conversation... I don't know. It was a good feeling. I guess we didn't fight that time because her voice was really calm, my voice was really calm [my head hella hurt and if I started yelling, it would start throbbing] and it was just nice. Therefore.. I'm adding to my New Year's resolutions. From here on, I will try my best to be nicer to my mom... get a long with her.... and maybe she'll do the same to me. Even if she does things that upset me... not caring about the stuff that I do and stuff.. but yeah, I'm really craving a real mother-daughter relationship right now. My cousins and her mom [my aunt] all have good relationships with each other. I just witnessed them being hella kind to each other, never fighting, I just felt a homy-feeling of relief. I want that for my mom and I. I WAS trying to be nice to my brother, but he kept yelling at me anyways... so I would yell back. I would understand how he would be in a bad mood all the time, since he himself had headaches and stomach aches this week as well. I guess it's because the two of us aren't properly eating... I mean, when my mom is here, she would at least cook, you know? She would even cook two different things for him and I. He never eats vegetables, and I LOVE eating vegetables... so she would make two different courses for dinner/lunch.

My mom does have some faults among her... but hell, so do I. So yeah... I'll be nicer to her and stuff. ^.^ But don't get me the wrong way, just because I'm being nicer to my mom doesn't mean I'll be nice to everyone now. That would be so fucking fake. I remember trying to be nice to everyone... trying to be everyone's friend.... I was so fake. I hated the feeling. I was just naturally full of hate, I guess.

Anywho... yeah. Last night, when I was talking to my mom [while Christina was on the computer], she told me that my grandmother was in the hospital. I was all shocked... and she thought I knew already. My grandmother went to the hospital on freaking New Year's Eve and she's still in the hospital as I type. God damn. Honestly, I swear my family has like a wierd curse about bad things happening on holidays. First of all, my real dad died on Valentines day when I was three. My grandfather died on Christmas Eve when I was four, and just last year during the Christmas break, my mom and brother got in a freak car accident... I honestly didn't think they would survive. I was sooooo worried that week... and I think some of you may remember the thread I made on DDR Freak called, "Will my brother live?"

Ugh. To much drama. Too much fucking drama. Maybe this is why my insignificant little mind is full of so much grudge and hatred. And that's not even an EIGTH of my problems, either. Come to think of it, I think my schizophrenia is also caused by my past. Heh. It's wierd.. I didn't even realize it until I went to L.A. My cousins were actually the ones that pointed it out. They told me that I was really unpredictable... like, I could be anti-social and not want to talk to anyone, then two minutes later, I'm bouncing up and down the house being all hyper, two minutes later I'm helping my cousin out with computer problems and being really nice and considerable, then the two minutes after that, I'm yelling at another cousin for being annoying... but after that, I would laugh and apologize and tell them that I was kidding.

Why am I so wierd...? x_o;